The Conductor of Happiness

My Top 10 Has To Be The Most Awesome Job In The World List

Tugboat Captain
The tugboat captain is one of the few remaining romantic jobs that still exist. Sure, there are still pirates, but none of them look like Johnny Depp. And I say romantic because I had a crush on the Old Spice Guy from the 1970s. He was tall, dark-haired, handsome, and wore the longshoreman’s coat and cap with a big cable knit sweater. And so that’s how I picture all tugboat captains.But think about it: how cool a job would that be? First of all, there’s the tugboat, which is all personality. It’s like the caboose of boats. Friendly. Helpful. Then there’s the mystique of the water (or maybe that’s just me). Add to that the coffee, cable knit sweaters and fog, and you have a Grade A Awesome Job.

Fountain Architect
Believe it or not, this job actually exists. Have to say, again, how cool would it be to work with water. Only in this gig, you get the water to do your bidding. That’s as good as being Mother Nature or some Greek or Roman god.

The Person Who Gets to Name Things
Want to know what it’s like to be dizzy with absolute power? Think of the person who got to name Austin streets. Exactly. How could this be anything but awesome? I shall name this subdivision Whispering Oaks! Even though it has no trees and it is right next to a highway. Hahahahahahaha!

Park Ranger
I’m sure Yellowstone is The Show of National Parks. It’s the World Series for park rangers. And even though most rangers don’t get a chance to work at Yellowstone, it’s still an amazing thing to be able to do and be paid for it. Live in some of the most beautiful, interesting places in America? Check. Get paid to talk about how awesome it is? Check. Fresh air. Outdoors. Chipmunks. Heaven.

Volcanologist
Back off, man – I’m a scientist… OF VOLCANOES. (Go ahead: I know you’re thinking it. Right. Vulcanologist is the study of Spocks.) Again, the outdoors. Again, they get to visit some of the most interesting places on the planet. And the chances of going to Hawaii are pretty high. I have a theory that it awe of volcanoes is stamped directly on my Sicilian DNA. What has been generations and generations, I’m sure, of wariness and acceptance has become a lifelong fascination.

Anything at NASA
The first thing I remember wanting “to be when I grow up” was an astronaut. I wanted to be the first woman to walk on the moon. Technically speaking, that could still happen. I thought that astronauts were astrophysicists and astronomers, not pilots, primarily. I was disappointed to find out that I was too short to fly. And also too nearsighted. And also had asthma. I’ve known some really cool scientists, one of whom worked for NASA and helped design the Cassini probe and the Mars rover. I can’t imagine the coolness one would feel with knowing that something I built WENT INTO FREAKING OUTER SPACE. Are you kidding me? Great job. I’d be a secretary at NASA just to be close to the space program.

Chocolate Maker
After space, volcanoes and cute sailor boys, have to put chocolate next — even ahead of margaritas, especially if the chocolate is 70% cocoa content or greater. (Lord, that’s good.) It’s probably a good thing I don’t know the secret to making chocolate, on second thought.

Photographer
Face it, no matter how disheveled the photographer, he or she is still the coolest person in the room. Maybe it’s due to the aloof detachment from the subject of the next snapshot, or maybe it’s the big fancy camera and the devil-may-care fashion. All I know is photography is an amazing art form and every time you see a movie with a photographer, the photographer is always cool as hell. Which is a funny saying, considering.

Opera Performers / Musical Theater Performers
Sure, I know it’s grueling work and most often thankless, but it is also awesome. One, you are gifted with an amazing instrument. Two and three: stage and costumes. And sometimes they give you roses.

Conductor of Happiness
“Ladies and Gentlemen, smile check!” His name is Emmanuel. According to My Little Paris (which I heartily recommend if you are interested in nifty notes regarding The City of Light and its hidden treasures), Emmanuel got fed up with the French being all grumpy-pants so he decided to make it his personal mission on the Metro to collect as many smiles as possible.That is pretty awesome. And admirable. And sort of brave, really, seeing as he’s only armed with a bullhorn and a winning personality.

(By the way, the Old Spice Guy in the 1970s commercials is Matthew Perry’s father. I still have a crush on him.)

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